Chasing the wind...

What do you do when you realize that you've accomplished goals and followed a path that did not come into fruition as you had imagined?  I've been out of college for five years now and am not where I thought I would be at this point in my life. I worked hard in college and got a job right after school, but somewhere fell off the path of what I wanted to do with my life.  I think I was so excited to work with the government and get a job straight out of school, that I didn't care if it wasn't exactly what I wanted to do.  I stayed there for almost three years before I decided to leave.  Then I thought a job in environmental consulting was what I wanted.  I've been doing that job for about two years now, and haven't been happy most of that time. At this point I feel less confident in my abilities than I did five years ago and I'm not sure what to do next.  I've dabbled with the idea of going back to school, or doing something totally different such as getting into the wine industry, or chinese medicine. I am completely lost, living back at home with my parents and brother, and really don't know what my next step should be or what I want it to be.  I'd love to have a job that I look forward to going to everyday, but I really don't know what that job would look like. I feel like I failed in my path and need to start over, but don't know where to turn...

Dating just isn't my thing...

So I'm learning that I'm really not good at dating.  When dating a guy, I'm not the kind of girl that will text or call him every day, or practically ever for that matter.  I've never really thought it to be a problem, because that's pretty much how I am with my girlfriends unless I have something specific to talk about.
My friend tried to set me up with one of her friends, and for the last four months we've done group things and kinda gotten to know each other.  The last group thing we did actually felt more like a double date and we held hands.  I felt that we had progressed slightly from the platonic relationship that had been cultivating before.  We even kissed at the end of the night, and I felt that he would ask me out on a "real" date for sure after that.  There were a couple text message exchanges the days following the group date, but that was it and I haven't heard from him since.  I assumed that he was busy and maybe talking to other girls that he found more interesting. I found out from a friend that he thought I "blew him off".  This made me sad because I didn't feel that I had done anything to not show interest and I'd always said yes when he'd invited me to something.  So I guess I need to act more like a girl and be better at showing interest in a guy when I am truly interested, although I thought if he was really into me he would have asked me out again instead of claiming that I blew him off.  To make matters worse, I emailed him saying that I heard he thought I had blown him off and that that wasn't my intention and that I'd like to hang out again.  I guess that was also a mistake because he never responded.

A friend lectured me about how everything I did was wrong and I should have shown more interest or put in more effort.  It doesn't really make me feel any better when I hadn't realized I was doing anything wrong.  Any advice, tips, or hopeful words would be appreciated....

Lazy Saturday Music

Ah, so glad the weekend is here.  Went to an awesome deep relaxation yoga class last night and am now enjoying this lazy Saturday morning.  I'm loving this song by LP.  Would love to see her live.

Looking for cheer...

Unfortunately, I tend to neglect this blog of mine.  The only times I feel the need to post are when I'm feeling down or have had a bad week.  So, here I find myself once again in a funk and wanting to post. Photography always seems to cheer me up a bit, so I will leave you with a photo that I took a few weeks back.  

Here's hoping the night brings good things my way...

Unfoldings

I feel like I am in a transformation phase in my life.  I'm slowly tuning into myself and becoming more aware of my emotions and feelings.  I was told by an observer that I numb my emotions as a form of self defense.  Slowly I unfold from my center and bloom in my spirituality.

So many moons I've lost count...

My 28th year is soon upon me...I can't believe how fast these last 10+ years have flown by.  It scares me when I think about what I have and have not accomplished during that time.  I feel that time is going by too quickly for me to adjust to.  I almost feel like I got left behind in the things that I was supposed to accomplish by the time I was 28.  Not much happened when I was 27.  27 is my favorite number for no reason in particular, so I thought for sure something amazing was going to happen this year.   In the back of my mind I had put all bets down that I would meet someone special and embark on a new journey that I have not had the privilege of partaking in before.  I feel that I must be doing something wrong to see no significant change in my life despite getting a new job this year.  My soul and body ache to meet my other half.  Someone that will challenge me and help me grow to my fullest potential.  Someone that I can help accomplish the same.  I was at a belated Easter brunch yesterday and was asked by multiple people if I had a love interest in my life.  An expected topic of conversation, but it was more abundant yesterday than usual.  One person in particular questioned me about this and asked "how old are you, 26?".  I told him I would be 28 next week and he gave me a look of disbelief.  I read his expression to mean that if I was already 28 and hadn't found anyone yet, my chances to meet someone were dwindling down and I better get my act together and meet someone soon.  Way to put pressure on my easy-going ass and feed my insecurities that I try to disguise.  I hope that 28 will be my best year yet, as people often tend to write in birthday cards.  I can't really say that any year has stuck out in my mind as "the best year yet" so there are plenty of slots waiting to take the cake.  Give me strength, patience and clarity of mind to grow and bloom in my 28th year.  Hell, I want to do more than bloom, I want to grow a garden!

*taken with my new DSLR camera (a birthday present to myself! )

Full of Hope ♥

and trying to be patient...